Unfortunately, there is no universal guide for parents on how to properly communicate with children. Parents make mistakes all the time, and that’s okay. Learning to talk to children is not easy. You may casually say something that will give the child the wrong idea about yourself and the world around you.
But there is a way out. In this article, we will look at a few phrases that you should never say to a child. Avoid them in speech and teach your spouse this.
1. “I’m proud of you”
Psychologists say that you should not give your child general phrases of approval, because after that he feels responsible for parental pride. It’s like you’re saying, “The way you’re behaving makes me proud.”
What needs to be said. “You’re doing fine!”
2. “Good job!”
Did you like how the child did his homework or housework? If you want to praise him, better focus on how he achieved the result. Phrases like “Good job”, “Good girl!” etc. do not help the child realize what he is being praised for. Over time, such phrases turn into white noise and do not motivate him.
What to say:
if the child received a good grade – “You worked hard and did well in the exam”;
if the child’s sports team won: “You passed well. After your pass, they scored a point.”;
if the child drew a good drawing: “You were able to choose the colors well” or “How did you come up with such a good idea for a drawing?”
So the child will think not about the result, but about the process and what needs to be done to achieve the goal.
3. “You should set a good example for your brother”
When you say this phrase to an older child often, he may feel jealous or angry towards his younger brother or sister.
To prevent the older child from experiencing negative emotions, praise him and talk about how important he is to his younger brother or sister: “Your brother loves you”, “You are a good example for your brother”, etc.
4. “Wait – dad will come home …”
Many families use similar phrases. But both parents are equal, and no one should be made responsible for discipline in the family, much less be used as a threat to the child. Do not shift responsibility – act together with your spouse as a team.
What needs to be said. “You are being punished for saying a bad word.” Do not delay punishment until your spouse returns home.
5. “I will never forgive you for this”
Even the best parents sometimes say this phrase when a child does something out of the ordinary. Such phrases can really harm the child. He will think that he did something irreparable.
What needs to be said. Before you react, take a deep breath and calm down. Tell your child, “You did something bad, but if you don’t do it again, we’ll try to forget it.”
6. “I’m ashamed of you”
This phrase also has a bad effect on the child. He may feel like a disgrace to the whole family.
What needs to be said. “I feel bad for what you did. But I still love you just for who you are.”
7. “Don’t worry, everything will be fine”
Your child is concerned about some bad news. Don’t ignore his feelings, but acknowledge them. Instead, tell your child that you will do everything you can to keep him safe.
What needs to be said. “My dad and I will always be there. We always have a plan in place in case things get out of control.”
8. “Leave it, I will do everything by myself”
It’s easy to get frustrated when a child can’t do homework or chores.
What needs to be said. “Lets do it together”.
9. “Don’t cry”
It is important to teach your child to express their emotions rather than suppress them. Help him understand his feelings. Talk to him openly and honestly. Even if the baby’s crying irritates you, remember that the baby is currently experiencing negative emotions and needs to be calmed down.
What needs to be said. “I know you’re sad because your sister left. You can cry – it’s okay. Sometimes we all need to let our emotions out. Let me hug you.”
10. “At your age, it’s too early to think about it.”
The inevitable question of where babies come from is a cause for concern for all parents. Don’t ignore these questions and say, “When you’re older, I’ll tell you everything.”
What needs to be said. “Interest in this topic is normal. I will answer any questions you may have.” Talk to your child honestly and in an age appropriate manner.
11. “When you eat the whole dinner, you’ll get the dessert.”
We have all heard this phrase as children. Even as adults, we are sometimes tempted to forego the main course and dine on pie and cookies. But don’t use dessert as a reward – it will give the child the wrong impression that the rest of the food isn’t as good.
What needs to be said. “We need to eat right to be strong. You will feel when you are full, and then you can eat dessert.”
12. “If you don’t clean your room, you will be in big trouble.”
This phrase is similar to the previous one, but the threat that is hidden in it brings even more harm to the child. Avoid direct threats, such as “You will be very sorry.”
What needs to be said. You should ask your child in a more positive way, such as, “When you’re done cleaning your room, you can go play in the yard.”
13. “If you don’t take care of your health, you will get sick.”
This phrase can cause anxiety in a child, if there are elderly people in your family who often get sick.
What needs to be said. “Even healthy people get sick. But the healthier a person is, the faster he can cope with the disease.”
14. “Family finances are none of your business.”
Many parents take care of family finances. If there is an argument between them, the child may hear and become concerned.
What should I say: “We make money and manage it. We can teach it to you when you want.”
15. “You disappoint me”
Did your child fail the exam? You should not react to this with such phrases – they can make the child feel that the parents will stop loving him because of this.
What needs to be said. “I’m surprised and didn’t expect this to happen.”
16. “This is terrible, this is the worst thing that could happen.”
When something goes wrong in life and you constantly repeat this phrase, it scares the child. Emotional words make the child believe that the frightening event has already happened many times.
What needs to be said. “It’s hard to believe that this happened. But we’ll talk about it if you want.”
17. “Come here, now!”
It is better to give the child time to finish what he is doing at the moment, and not to rush him.
What needs to be said. “Time to go. Is one minute enough for you to get ready, or do you need two?”
18. “You’re bothering me”
Children are distinguished by their irrepressible energy. It’s no wonder your child can sometimes get in your way when you’re doing chores around the house.
What needs to be said. Instead of blaming your child, ask him to help you. Give him a job that he can easily handle (like packing things in a bag or tying a rope).
19. “Because I said so”
This is one of the most common phrases that parents say. But you should avoid it. You may not always have time to explain your arguments to your child, but it is worth trying to clarify your actions. So he will understand why you are asking him to do or, conversely, not to do something.
What needs to be said. “I know that you want us to go to grandma’s today. But I have to do laundry today and I need your help. Let’s go to grandma’s tomorrow.” This helps the child understand that his feelings are important and you listen to him.
Whatever you say to your child, it is important to think before you say it. Children are naturally curious and active, and discussing any issues and problems with them is the best thing you can do.