Parenting Styles – All You Need to Know

This article about the parenting styles was written with the purpose of helping current and prospective parents to do one thing: 

• to determine the actual parenting style you are inclined to, based on your personality and your thoughts on what kind of parent you should be to your born or expected child and how you can improve it for the better and healthier personality development of the child.

Raising children is the most important task of the modern family. Every person starts with a family. This is the very first team in which his idea of life and the world around him is formed. In the family, important skills and habits are laid, the first feelings are born.

Among all the known educational institutions, the family has the greatest influence on the development of the child’s personality. At the same time, the influence can be both positive and negative – it all depends on the parenting style that prevails in the family.

Parenting style is a way of parent-child relations. It is the use of certain methods of influence on the child, expressed in a peculiar manner of verbal treatment and interaction with the child. Any discordance in the family can lead to adverse consequences in the development of the child’s personality as well as to problems in his behavior.

The style of family upbringing largely determines the fate of a person. First of all, it affects the nature of relationships in the family and forms the first stereotypes – concepts that a person will rely on throughout his life.

In the future, parenting style can affect other important aspects of a child as well:

• independence and responsibility
• self-esteem of the child and future realization
• school performance and striving for achievement
• attitude towards people and the opposite sex

Types of parenting styles

In psychology, it is customary to distinguish 4 main styles of parenting, identified by Diana Baumrind, the clinical psychologist who came up with the notion of parenting styles in 1967. 

The Baumrind parenting styles are classified mainly by two scales: responsiveness and demandingness. Since 1967, other parenting styles have been identified by scientists using different dimensional factors to parenting that are not demandingness and responsiveness. Two of them are worth knowing. So, here are the 6 parenting styles: 

1. Authoritarian
2. Permissive
3. Uninvolved
4. Authoritative
5. Overprotective
6. Chaotic

Each of these styles has its own characteristics and is reflected in different ways on the psychological and personal development of the child. Despite a clear classification, a mixture of styles is most often present in modern families. Yet a person throughout life continues to learn and change under the influence of circumstances.

But, one way or another, one of the styles continues to dominate. And if its advantages for parents are obvious, then the disadvantages most often elude their attention. Read more about each parenting style and see how effective the parenting style is.

Authoritarian parenting style

This style is also called dictatorial and even dominant. Authoritarian parents are convinced that a child should be kept tightly in hand – this is the only way he can grow up to be a worthy person and achieve success in life.

Therefore, the opinion and wishes of the child are never taken into account – neither in family matters, nor in matters concerning his personal choice: profession, friends, birthday present or side dish for dinner.

In families with an authoritarian parenting style, children, as a rule, grow up to be excellent students. They study a lot, attend additional classes and sections and practically have no free time. Resulting in high grades in school and entrance points to a prestigious university, this is considered a blessing.

This is where all the advantages of an authoritarian parenting style end, as parents are sure that education and a profession are the main things that a parent should give to a child. It doesn’t matter that he never liked law. The main thing is that he will earn money and provide for his family.

Most often, the mistake of authoritarian parents is that they themselves try to decide what will make the child happy. At the same time, they start from their own experience and try to give him something that in due time could make them happy. In fact, parents strive to realize their own dreams and ambitions in their children.

In early childhood, the toddler expresses complete humility and submission to his parents, because he is driven by fear – fear of upset, disappointment or punishment. A child raised in an authoritarian style is doomed to one of two life scenarios:

1. A child becomes “good”: comfortable, efficient, excellent student in study and work, but absolutely dependent and passive. He becomes a person who has been embodying other people’s dreams all his adult life, who does not have the right to vote in his own fate, one day finds himself at a hated job, with an unloved spouse and children, whom he does not know what to teach.

2. A child goes against the parental system. If a child has a strong character, he will begin to rebel already in early adolescence. Confrontation with authoritarian parents often provokes aggression in a child and ends in his hatred for them. Sometimes hate is mutual.

If you recognize the traits of an authoritarian parent in yourself, do not despair – it is never too late to reconsider your views on parenting. Smooth excessive authoritarianism can be done by following simple advice:

• start to wonder about your child’s preferences, for example, what he would like to eat every day for breakfast, and carefully prepare him his preferred meal instead of healthy oatmeal
• do the same with music, clothes and friends – let him surround himself with what he really likes
• give your child at least an hour of free time per day: no household chores, lessons, family communication, etc., this will help him to decide on his own preferences
• do not demand A’s from a student in all subjects – only in specialized ones: all excellent students become perfectionists in life with anxious and neurotic personalities
• scolding your child, do not tell him how bad or stupid he is, calmly and openly talk about not how you think of his action but how you feel because of his action – sharing your feelings with your child on his actions helps him to develop emotional skills and trust in you instead of blind obedience out of fear
• do not skimp on praise and words of love – you cannot spoil your child with them

Influence of authoritarian parenting style on adolescent behavior

As he grows older, a child becomes more intolerant of the demands of authoritarian parents. In adolescence, frequent conflicts can lead to disastrous outcomes. It is with the authoritarian style of parenting that adolescents will create conflicts, treating others with hostility. As parents always make decisions for a child himself, the child’s initiative gets suppressed, depriving him of the opportunity to learn to take responsibility for his actions.

Active and strong adolescents will begin to rebel, resist, become more aggressive and even may run away from home. Shy and insecure adolescents with low self-esteem, on the contrary, will get used to obeying their parents in everything. Without making attempts to solve their own problems on their own, they will always rely on their parents for everything.

Permissive parenting style

A permissive parenting style is the opposite of an authoritarian one. It implies unlimited trust in the child, forgiveness, giving him freedom of action and choice, but at the same time the complete absence of:

• control over the child’s life
• discipline
• willingness to resist from other people

In a permissive style, communication with a child is based on the principle of permissiveness and low discipline. For self-affirmation, the child uses whims, demands “Give!”, “Me!”, “I want!”, demonstratively takes offense.

The child does not understand the words “must!”, “It is impossible” and does not follow the instructions and requirements of adults. Parents with a permissive style of communication with a child are characterized by an inability or unwillingness to lead and guide the child.

Permissive parents are caring, attentive, and have a close relationship with their children. They give the child the opportunity to express themselves, show their abilities, discover creativity and individuality.

Parents sincerely believe that in this way they will teach them to distinguish between what is right and what is wrong. permissive parents find it difficult to establish the boundaries of the permissible behavior of their children. They often encourage overly relaxed and inappropriate behavior of their child.

Basically, permissive parents let the parenting process take its course. It seems to them that freedom and permissiveness from an early age will certainly make a child happy and independent. In fact, this is not freedom, but connivance – the child completely lacks psychological and behavioral boundaries.

Boundaries are the rules that every person needs for their own safety and comfort. No boundaries lead to low self-confidence, misunderstanding of oneself and one’s interests, impaired emotional intelligence, weakness of spirit and lack of productivity in any endeavors.

In permissive families, conflicts between the child and parents begin in adolescence. The child does not feel support from his parents, they do not expect achievements from him – he perceives all this as indifference to his fate. As a result, teenagers tend to choose bad company and face learning problems at school.

In adulthood, people brought up in a permissive style find it difficult to decide on a profession and start a family. They are loners in life, as any social group lives by rules alien to theirs.

In order to prevent the negative consequences of permissive upbringing, it is important for parents to understand their mistakes in time and adjust their approach.

First of all, it is necessary to develop rules that the child and the rest of the family will follow.

Discipline implies the authority that a child needs as a guide in life. Building credibility is not easy – it will take endurance, consistency and a positive personal example.

1. The 3 minutes rule of thumb. The first three minutes after meeting with your child, listen to how his day went, do not be distracted by other things – it is important to share with your child the emotions from the school day, while he wants to share them with you.

2. When asking him about school and studies, concentrate on the positive points: what interesting things were discussed in the classroom, what would he like to study deeper, what he likes about his friends and teachers, etc.

3. Before going to bed, sum up the results of the day, noting the child’s achievements, how he surprised you, made you happy, be sure to say that you are proud of him and love him very much.

How a child will grow up with a permissive parenting style

As a result, the child grows up to be a selfish and a high conflict person who is constantly dissatisfied with the people around him, which does not give him the opportunity to enter into normal social relationships and emotional strong ties with people. At school, such a child may have frequent conflicts due to the fact that he is not accustomed to give in, obey elders, follow the laws and rules.

A child raised permissive parenting style is more prone to psychological problems, phobias and depression. Such a child, not being taught to control himself and his behavior, will have a little chance of developing self-esteem.

In the future, a child raised by permissive parents will be unable to face life’s problems, and he will have difficulties with social interaction. Which, in turn, will lead to a lack of adequate self-esteem. He will conflict with anyone who does not indulge his desires.

Uninvolved parenting style

In the uninvolved parenting style, also known as neglectful or indifferent parenting, relationships imply a deep parental indifference to the child’s personality and needs. Parents “do not notice” the child, they are not interested in his development and spiritual inner world. Actively avoiding communication with him, keep him at a distance. Children are on their own.

So, what are the symptoms of the uninvolved parents? Basically, involvement of these parents in their children’s lives does not go further than providing for basic needs such as food and shelter. They show little to no emotional support for their child.

Uninvolved parenting style is considered one of the most dangerous ways of parenting, in many sources it is even described as extremely negative, worse than rigidly authoritarian parenting style with the use of violence and categorical prohibitions. 

Whereas an authoritarian parenting style may be a choice, purposely made by parents, the uninvolved parenting is observed more often in dysfunctional families.

This parenting style is often unintentional and derives from unaddressed issues of couple relationship or ignored psychological problems of parents. Another frequent reason for neglectful parenting is abuse of alcohol or drugs by one or both parents. Family therapy is advised.

How a child will grow up with an uninvolved parenting style

Such an indifferent attitude of parents makes the child lonely, deeply unhappy and insecure. He loses the desire to communicate, aggressiveness towards people can form. Teenagers often have problems with the law.

Here are 7 serious consequences of uninvolved parenting:

1. Social interaction problems

Uninvolved parents give their children nothing but suffering. A small child learns social interaction from the example of his close environment, and a house in which adults neglect his presence does not give him any guidance in this matter.

A gradually ignored child begins to ignore other people. Lack of proper communication skills can make him a social outcast or lead to antisocial behavior.

2. Emotional, behavioral and cognitive impairment

Research shows that parental neglect (especially in early childhood) is extremely detrimental to a child’s overall development. Even when compared to physically abused children, neglected people often have more serious cognitive and emotional and behavioral impairments. They absolutely do not know how to interact with peers and seem to attract all sorts of problems.

3. Victimization

Parents play a huge role in preventing bullying by children. Research has shown that uninvolved parenting often leads to the child being bullied by peers at school (or older siblings at home). This result of parental neglect is much more pronounced in girls than in boys.

4. Substance abuse

It has been established that family support is a decisive factor for normal adaptation in childhood and adolescence. Circumstantial evidence shows that attention from loved ones can help reduce the chances of drug abuse in teens. Interestingly, this positive influence can extend beyond the family (for example, even the involved parents of a friend could be a good example).

5. Poor academic performance

Children who are rejected or ignored by their parents are difficult to learn and perform poorly in school. As a rule, they are the ones who get the worst marks on the exams.

6. Depression and anxiety

Neglecting a child can also lead to depression and other mental problems. Research shows that parental indifference causes children to be more anxious than physical abuse, yelling and verbal abuse.

7. Dysfunctional personality

Research into children’s perceptions of parental neglect and control has shown that an uninvolved parenting style should be considered a significant risk factor for serious mental illness in the future.

Authoritative parenting style

Authoritative parenting style, in its purest form, is considered the most optimal, as children brought up in this style grow up psychologically healthy, developing harmoniously and entering adulthood without fear.

The authoritative style of upbringing is characterized by the presence of mutual understanding between parents and children, the manifestation of warm feelings between them, frequent communication and moderate discipline. Parents are attentive to their child, emotionally support him, create an atmosphere of love and care in the family.

Mutual understanding between parents and children is achieved through empathy, persuasion, discussion, compromise and reasoning. Parents always listen to their child, give the child the opportunity to take responsibility for his actions.

In an authoritative upbringing style, parents encourage any initiative of their child and his independence, help him, take into account his needs and requirements. Parents establish rules and standards, boundaries of acceptable behavior and require their child to comply with them.

They express their love, goodwill to the child and play with him in areas that are interesting to him. In authoritative families, parents discuss a child’s interests with him, analyze his actions and find solutions together. 

Authoritative parents allow their children to take part in the discussion of family problems as well and take their opinion into account when making decisions. In return, they demand meaningful behavior from children, show firmness and consistency in following the established discipline of the family.

From childhood, a child is accustomed to discipline and respect for people and their work, so they trust him and his freedom is not limited. At the same time, each violation of the rules entails a discussion and certain consequences: if you don’t clean up after yourself, you are left without a tablet.

But, unlike the authoritarian style of upbringing, the child does not feel bad or afraid when taking responsibility for his misbehavior – he only realizes that he broke the rule and has to fix his behavior.

As long as his wrong action and proposed proper behavior are explained to him and discussed with him with reasoning and empathy, it will never occur to him that his wrong actions mean punishment or less love from his parents.

In this parenting style, the child is in an active position, which gives him the experience of self-management, increases self-confidence and his strength. In authoritative families, children listen to the advice of their parents, know the word “must”, know how to discipline themselves and how to build relationships with peers.

The only downside of authoritative parenting style is that it’s rare enough. Nevertheless, parents, like all living people, tend to get tired, nervous, get sick and have circumstances that do not allow them to give their child enough attention.

However, if you adhere to authoritative views in raising children, then you are on the right track, and your children have every chance of becoming happy and successful adults.

How a child will grow up with an authoritative parenting style

Children grow up as active, curious, independent, full-fledged personalities with a developed sense of their own dignity and responsibility for themselves and those close to them. Children do well in school, are less susceptible to negative peer influences, and are good at getting along well and building relationships with people.

A child grows up to be responsible, independent, competent, self-confident with adequate self-esteem, able to control his desires and, as a rule, achieves great success in life. Children know that parents can always listen to him and help.

Proper, responsible social behavior is formed in a child when parents show justice, care, firmness and discipline.

The authoritative parenting style, according to many psychologists, is the most effective family parenting style. 

Overprotective parenting style

Overprotective or helicopter parents are obsessed with keeping their children safe from all the bad things in the world, be it any physical pain or hurt feelings, unhappiness or disappointments, rejection or failure. Although the natural need to protect your kid is only reasonable, the main mistake of parents with an overprotective style of parenting (most often mothers) is the fact that they are unable to see the line between adequate and excessive care. 

The main flow of the overprotective parenting style is that the child grows up as a person underprepared for life. The child, brought up in this style, never washed his socks, did not wash dishes, did not go out after 9 pm, and did not go to summer camp.

Parents who have surrounded their beloved child with such care are in fact mortally afraid that something bad can happen to him, so all of his life is full of restrictions with a bonus in the form of personal care and domestic services.

Overprotective parents often do not realize that freedom and independence are necessary for the harmonious development of the personality.

Gradually “letting go” of the child is as important as feeding a healthy meal – this is the main condition for growing up.

Consequences of overprotective parenting style:

• infantilism
• difficulties in career and family
• arrogance
• laziness
• helplessness

If you recognize any pattern of overprotective parenting style in your own parenting, then there are some practical tips you can use to prevent the consequences mentioned above, as it is necessary to reduce the degree of your care and give your child more personal responsibility. Here are those tips:

• involve your child in household chores, start with self-service: let him make the bed, clean up his things and wash the dishes, – from 6-7 years old he is ready to do all these on his own
• encourage any initiative, unless it carries a direct threat to life
• show sensitivity to people whom he calls his friends – give him the opportunity to determine by himself who is good and who is bad
• let your child make mistakes and be responsible for them (if you didn’t buy bread – eat porridge instead of a sandwich, brought a bad mark – agree with the teacher and fix it)

How a child will grow up with an overprotective parenting style 

The child grows up helpless, infantile, insecure, neurotic, anxious and whiny. Subsequently, he has difficulties in socialization.

Children grow up obedient, but at the same time unsure of themselves, their strengths and capabilities, they will always be afraid to do something wrong and make mistakes frequently.

Some adolescent children will tend to break free from excessive parental control and guardianship, showing aggression, becoming disobedient and willful.

Overprotection, control, restrictions and prohibitions will develop in the child the ability to cheat, deceive and secrecy. Teens will use lies as a means of self-defense against parents who are constantly trying to control their personal life, which will ultimately lead to alienation from them.

The consequences of the overprotective parenting style are the formation of dependence on someone else’s, as well as negative influence from other people. It is the overprotection that is to blame for the fact that children grow up to be “mama’s sons”.

Chaotic parenting style

Chaotic parenting style is a family education style in which parents are inconsistent in their methods. This style is formed in two cases:

• when permissive parents make attempts to raise their child, but they do it impulsively, thoughtlessly, rushing from one extreme to another
• when parents radically differ in their views on the upbringing of children and they cannot agree among themselves

In the second case, the child constantly witnesses conflicts, the atmosphere in the family, as a rule, is always tense. This makes him anxious, irritable and even aggressive, which in turn affects academic performance and peer relationships.

Some psychologists highlight the chaotic parenting style, characterized by the lack of a single consistent approach to raising a child: there are no clear requirements for the child.

When parents do not have a mutual understanding about parenting, they cannot provide the child with a sense of stability. He constantly doubts the correctness of his judgments and actions, since he does not have clear guidelines (stereotypes) – what is good and what is bad.

In such chaos, it is impossible:

• to develop harmoniously
• to gain self-confidence
• to control yourself
• to develop a sense of responsibility, neither for oneself nor for others

Therefore, it is important for parents to learn how to negotiate with each other. This must be done in the absence of the child, and with him – to show solidarity in matters of upbringing.

The key to healthy development of a child is the harmonious relationship of his parents. First, it is necessary to solve the problems in a couple, then the upbringing will not cause so much controversy.

How a child will grow up with a chaotic parenting style

The child needs stability and clear, concrete benchmarks in assessments and behavior. Parents, each of whom use different styles of upbringing and communication, deprive the child of such stability, form an anxious, insecure, impulsive, in some cases, aggressive and uncontrollable personality.

With a chaotic parenting style, the child will not develop self-control, a sense of responsibility for himself and other people. The child will be distinguished by immaturity of judgment.

What is my parenting style?

Identifying your parenting style, you need to understand that it’s rare that someone fits neatly into one distinct style of parenting. It is normal to find out that your style is the mixture of the above mentioned ones. 

Now when you have a knowledge of the parenting styles, your main concern should be determining the patterns of your own parenting style which may negatively affect your child’s psychology and behaviour. 

Once you determine those negative patterns, you can start working on altering them to be a better parent. Because remember that each child is unique. Some children need rigidity and strict discipline, others need freedom, and third ones need support in all endeavors. Only caring and attentive parents can understand this. 

Therefore, when raising a child, do not forget about three main things: common sense, a sense of proportion and, of course, love.